Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
