idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
