Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
