Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Randomize