Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
