so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Less talking, more tequila
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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