i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
