The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
