So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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