dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
