My liver just broke up with me...
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
