Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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