We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
