when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
