she woke up with a sticky ear
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
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