I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Randomize
