margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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