ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
