Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Success! We fucked roommates!
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
