My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
