K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I have demons in me.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
