We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Randomize
