so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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