Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Randomize
