I just cut my nipple shaving
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
