So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
