i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
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