So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Randomize