accomplished twins. life is a go
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize