I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
