this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
