You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
