once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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