3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Never underestimate the power of titties
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