none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Holy sore nipples Batman
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Randomize
