oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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