so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
