Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
