Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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