I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
