so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
