My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
