don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
