I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
