She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
