That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
