She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
