Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
