how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
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