Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize
