New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
