I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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