TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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