Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Randomize