Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
