I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I skipped work to stalk him.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Randomize
