Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
