go do what you do best...puke behind churches
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
