Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
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